To Yoshi

Today I am feeling some kind of way. I'm not really sure which way exactly. Just aware that its a feeling and that its indescribable. I feel joy because were in such a good place after a long time of not being. I feel sadness because I sometimes feel that all my energies and efforts arent reciprocated. I feel silly for feeling that way. I feel anxious at not knowing whats next and I feel wound down at the lack of control I am experiencing for the first time in my life. I am sad because youre not here and angry that I didn't ask you to stay and powerless because I couldn't. I feel stunted at the inability to express myself fully to you and cold and distant at the sub par effort. I feel jaded that you havent tried as hard and even more jaded because you probably don't know how. I feel safe when I'm near you and confined because I cant tell you so. I feel hesitant at asking what the next step is and excited to find out what that exactly is. I feel thankful that through everything you waited for me, patiently and skeptical as the reasons why you waited, patiently. Then ungrateful for my skepticism. I feel warm then cold, then warm, then cold then numb and nothingness. Then angry because the feelings are tied to you and then calm. I feel everything all at once and nothing all along. I just wanted to put this out there. In case you read this. I feel.