Pimpin aint easy?

Soooooo...The following post may or may not have happened. That is all.

So I recently decided to quit the pimp game. I know, I know..true pimps never quit but let me tell you how it went down. Lets name everyone first shall we?
Guy 1: That One Guy. I've talked about him before. I like him..like, like-like him.
Guy 2: Mr. Laundry List. Dude from high school. We were cough..close..cough friends. Now we're just hanging out. This is the guy who I almost posted about a couple of weeks ago.
Guy 3: Mr. Officer. Now, he's not a real cop and he got his name for other unrelated reasons, it's just funny okay? He's a newbie. I met him at my job he smelled good and had nice waves. Enough said.
Guy 4: Mr. Grinch..he..doesnt really count with his fairweather ass.
So, the only one of these people I have feelings for outside of warm fuzzy friendship feelings is That One Guy and I didnt think of myself as a psuedo-pimp until earlier this week when a series of events took place that sent my entire house of cards cascading down upon my head.
Monday I get a call from Mr. Officer, he wants to hang out this week. Now, the first thing you have to know about pimpin is that all your hoes..I mean..friends need special "me" time. I said sure and we made a tenative date for this afternoon. Later that day Mr. Laundry List calls. He's been tryna catch feelings for a few weeks now. He's not understanding the concept that I dont like him in that way and we had actually stopped talking for a few days because of his crazy behavior. He's upset because he knows about That One Guy and Mr. Officer and he doesnt want me spending time with them. I told him to read the script over and know his role and left it at that. Today Mr. Grinch called. Again, he doesnt count as we rarely see each other and its on some "I dont have anybody to see this movie with do you wanna go" type bullshit. He inexplicably wants to kick it..you guessed it Friday afternoon. I had no problem telling him no. He becomes upset, wonders about how I have so much time for everybody else and I cant even kick it with him once or twice a month. He's clearly confused about his role as well and as a good director I explained it to him again. This afternoon I get a call from Mr. Officer, he wants to hang out this weekend instead of Friday. This isnt good for me because 1. I have to work this weekend and 2. That One Guy would be around in there somewhere and out of all of them, he gets priority booking. I figured that now was as good a time as any to just come clean. He was really upset. Like..really. He thought that we had the makings of a relationship. Oops. I explained myself and the situation and he proceeded to go.the.fuck. off. Normally I would have exploded as well but I realized his anger was justified. After he had calmed down we discussed the situation. And what is the situation you might ask? Well, I like men. I always have. There is something so intriguing about maleness and I like to surround myself with them. It could be on some "daddy never hugged me" type mess but I heart them. Now surrounding myself with them and even entertaining more than one at a time doesnt mean I sleep with all of them. I only sleep with one person at a time, I dont have that nasty womans disease. This is in no offense to any of ya'll who like to double dip, it just aint me. I also need attention, what can I say? I'm the youngest child and the only girl. Without male attention I feel...I dont know, foreign? So because That One Guy lives in a different city I search for said attention elsewhere. Why not? I'm not technically doing anything wrong and I'm not ciphering any attention away from whatever it is that we have. I always make sure I put him first. So yeah. I decided today that this shit is not only confusing it is tiresom. So I offically denounce my pimp hand. It's weak as hell anyway. I'm just gonna revel in the friendships, the real ones not ones I flirted to gain, with males that wont interfere with the rest of my life, whatever that is.
Whew! Felt great to get that out!
Yes We Can..stop pimpin!